Overthinking can create an endless cycle of stress and worry, which can ultimately cause you to feel less prepared, motivated, and confident. Instead of going over something in your mind again and again, you can start to take the steps necessary to resolve the situation. When we pay too much attention to such thoughts, overanalyze their meaning, and try too hard to control them, we can slip into unhealthy forms of thought, like worry, rumination, obsession, and the like. "When are you getting married?" "Where's the wedding?" "Do you know your colors yet?" When I first got engaged, I was met with a flurry of questions and a mountain of decisions to make. Or away from the house for a few hours. Kristy G. I have to know times and dates for things months in advance. Im just trying to work out all the details, scenarios, outcomes or options. , I have plans for literally everything that I do and for every decision that I make. Also, explore different types of overthinking, the effects on your mental health and relationships, and how to stop overthinking things in your life. This type of overthinking involves only seeing situations in black or white. Overthinking Causes Depression. FEATURED PARTNER OFFER Partner Offers feature brands who paid Forbes Health to appear at the top of our list. But time spent overthinking wont enhance your life at all, regardless of whether it's 10 minutes or 10 hours. Eur J Psychol. Ot even that I will forget to lock the door and someone will break in while Im gone. , Not responding right away when I am asked a question. , Taking a long time to answer, because Im mulling everything over too much. Let your friend or loved one know that he or she is still in your thoughts even after a few weeks or months have passed. The first thing to realize about overthinking is that it can feel an awful lot like problem solving. Remember, you control your thoughts. You can, however, validate their feelings, Mack says, while also offering supportive and more reality-based messages of hope and well-being.. Makes people feel weird and random, but probably not as weird as I feel having to say sorry without even knowing why. Marika K. I put off necessary things like medical appointments, because I overthink whether its important enough or not. It might include reminders about quick and easy actions that increase their sense of safety and calm, Pargman says, whether it is taking a walk or engaging in a grounding exercise. If they reach out and say theyre anxious, text them back and remind them about the plan. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America. In case you don't know where you fall on this spectrum (complete denial or ready to accept your borderline stalker behavior), here are five signs you're overthinking it with a girl: 1. On the other hand, we all have negative, intrusive thoughts that are best left alone. She's contributed to Women's Health, Marie Claire, Shape, Cosmopolitan, InStyle, Refinery29, POPSUGAR, Glamour and more. Even if they dont want to verbalize what theyre experiencing, this is a way to say I get it without saying I get it.. Anxiety can be an isolating experience, Carrie Potter, LMHCA, a therapist who specializes in anxiety, tells Bustle, which is why reaching out is often comforting and connecting.. It occurs as an irresistible urge to analyze practically everything they think, but especially the unwanted, spontaneous thoughts that just pop into their mind. I also feel I would waste a doctors time with my minuscule problem, that people will think Im an attention-seeker. If I have it all planned out, then I feel like I have more control of the outcome of the situation, even if its a bad one. It is helpful for sources of support to remind individuals with anxiety that they are cared about.. Overthinking is about dwelling on the problem, while problem-solving involves looking for a solution. It's like a vicious downward spiral. When someone doesnt give me a time, I panic. Her TEDx talk, "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong," is one of the most viewed talks of all time. Heres an example that shows the difference between overthinking and problem-solving: Problem-solving can lead to productive action. Is It A Bad Idea To Lose My Virginity To An Old Crush? This text will remind them youre available to listen judgment-free, Donna T. Novak, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist, tells Bustle, as well as that its OK to feel anxious, especially when tough things are happening outside their control. | #narcissisthttps://youtu.be/y4hAelTPe34Thank you to the returning subscri. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications. I think it comes across as an interrogation, or that I am questioning the person as an individual rather than just asking questions in general. While it may be necessary to go above and beyond for a loved one on occasion, its possible to offer comfort and support to someone whos feeling anxious, without also burning yourself out. The truth is that everyone overthinks things from time to time. I did not forget the answer, my overthinking is telling me the answer has changed. , I ask a lot of questions. Do you often question why you are having certain thoughts? Can you relate? Here are 20 sample texts to choose from the next time you need to comfort someone whos feeling anxious. It wont fix their anxiety, but it might soothe them during the worst of it, relationship therapist Sarah Hubbell, MAS-MFT, LAMFT, tells Bustle. Get someone else's opinion. For overthinkers, it can go there. The psalmists give us excellent examples of this. 2016;147:170-183. doi:10.1016/j.socscimed.2015.10.044, Michl LC, McLaughlin KA, Shepherd K, Nolen-Hoeksema S. Rumination as a mechanism linking stressful life events to symptoms of depression and anxiety: longitudinal evidence in early adolescents and adults. You Seek Perfection in Everything You Do. If overthinking is taking a toll on your well-being, consider talking to a mental health professional. Validation is a critical communication tool and expression of love and acceptance in relationships. 1. While overthinking itself is not a mental illness, it is associated with conditions including depression, anxiety, eating disorders and substance use disorders. 2017;91:72-77. doi:10.1016/j.brat.2017.01.012, Chwyl C, Chen P, Zaki J. Beliefs about self-compassion: Implications for coping and self-improvement. 1 - Focus on what's good When you're tempted to overthink and expect bad things, instead, turn your thoughts to what is right. You might try to convince yourself that thinking longer and harder helps you. This text validates the anxiety and reminds someone that no matter the outcome (which we can never control) they will be OK and they have support, Dr. Tari Mack, a clinical psychologist, tells Bustle. Learn what overthinking is, some signs you may be an overthinker, and a few reasons some people think too much. But for people with anxiety, If youre someone who overthinks, and its impacting your life in a negative way, there are things you can do that help. What if you make the wrong decision? "I remember you speaking so fondly of [Name]. This then leads to worry that you will fail the class, which will then lead to failing school, not getting a degree, and not being able to find a job. By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. 3) Separate truth from fiction. With just a little effort, you can adjust your thinking and take steps to replace overthinking with more productive self-reflection and problem-solving. In many cases, overthinking could show up as rumination, which often involves perseverating on events of the past and even the present with a negative mindset. That may cause you to feel anxiouswhich may make it even harder to fall asleep. You have to keep thinking about that mistake to stop yourself from repeating it, right? You can even offer to do it with them, as a sign of moral support. Dr. Katie Davis, a clinical neuropsychologist, told Business Insider that creativity is a definitive sign of intelligence because it requires thinking flexibly/outside the box . Stop overthinking. When your mind is in overdrive, one of the common manifestations is an out of control imagination. (Hint: seeking reassurance only. Whether they have ongoing anxiety or are experiencing a rough patch in life, this person might worry that their emotions are a burden, Potter says, or that theyre pushing you away by being annoying or needy. It takes a lot of prodding from friends and family to finally go. Here are 10 warning signs that youre overthinking: Its easy for anyone to get caught up in overthinking. That laser focus can help quiet other intrusive thoughts in your head. You need to become aware of how much mind space and energy you are needlessly spending on thinking this way. J Abnorm Psychol. 2013;122(2):339-352. doi:10.1037/a0031994, Thomsen DK, Mehlsen MY, Christensen S, Zachariae R. Ruminationrelationship with negative mood and sleep quality. If any amount of time is spent actually learning from previous behavior and coming up with creative solutions, then it is productive. Overthinking often involves ruminating about the past and worrying about the future. Own your overthinking. Opinions expressed by Forbes Contributors are their own. Here are suggestions for what to say: 1. Overthinking and worrying are mental activities, so if they start to take hold, do something physical. It might feel like youre the only one lying awake at night, dwelling on a decision you made earlier that day or worrying about tomorrows to-do list. Therapy can help distinguish which worries are productive or unproductive. Bratman GN, Hamilton JP, Hahn KS, Daily GC, Gross James J. Rufus Tony Spann, Ph.D., L.C.P.C., L.P.C. Why Am I Having Racing Thoughts at Night? 2003;34(7):1293-1301. doi:10.1016/s0191-8869(02)00120-4, Strick M, Dijksterhuis A, van Baaren RB. And then as mental health declines, it becomes more and more tempting to overthink. 8 Gaslighting Phrases Narcissists Say And What The Mean (Understanding Narcissism.) Then say this. Overthinking isnt the same as healthy problem-solving. 9. Talking in too much detail and then feeling embarrassed about how long Ive been talking for. , Asking for constant reassurance on matters that may not bother an ordinary person and also overexplaining things to people (as in giving too many details in an attempt to make sense). , Always asking for reassurance. If you can relate, dont forget to have compassion for yourself, and know even if youre still working on it, youre not alone. Making a list or plan is more action-oriented, and that can calm our ruminating brain a bit, too, says Dattilo. With practice, you will find it much easier to halt overthinking in its tracks before it becomes a more serious problem. Kaiser BN, Haroz EE, Kohrt BA, Bolton PA, Bass JK, Hinton DE. While this may influence where their products or services appear on our site, it in no way affects our ratings, which are based on thorough research, solid methodologies and expert advice. This type of overthinking involves thinking things are worse than they are. "You're still in my thoughts. Instead of berating yourself for things you might regret, try working toward being more accepting and compassionate of yourself. Get the Forbes Health newsletter for helpful tips, news, product reviews and offers from a name you can trust. I get lost in thoughts, stress out if theyre bad or too much, and then end up with headaches, which are also complained about. R, Zoning out. Another way to connect with someone whos feeling anxious is by leading with a comment about your own anxiety or stress. Sometimes in life, and in work, you need to be spontaneous. Here's how to recognize the signs that you're overthinking. This is often confused with "toxic positivity," which asks people to think positively no matter how . The problem with overthinking. Quite simply, most of our life is uncertain. That just madethe overthinking worse. Ros H. Asking my husband 100 times a day if hes really happy with me even though he tells me 101 times a day that he is very happy with me. Abbey R. I get distant like Im not fully there. 2021 Sep;47(9):1327-1342. doi:10.1177/0146167220965303. Here are three strategies I use every day to stop overthinking: 1. Studies show taking a 90-minute walk in a nature-filled environment can decrease ones inclination toward rumination[1]Bratman GN, Hamilton JP, Hahn KS, Daily GC, Gross James J. You spend six hours of an eight hour work day complaining to different friends on G-Chat about this girl you brought home last night but . You are a priority In someone's life, you are a priority. Both of his hands didn't get broken while saving his grandmother from a burning casino and he has no way of communicating with you. Forbes Health adheres to strict editorial integrity standards. I have difficulty sleeping because it feels like my brain won't shut off. 2023 Dotdash Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Even though excessive thinking might harm mental health, it may be controlled with the right methods. Consider a young woman well call Jessica. 1) Keep track of triggers and patterns A little mindfulness and attention can go a long way toward getting a grip on overthinking.